Too Bloody funny

MH just jumped on google talk - she had a bit of a rough night last night & she is very tired today.

The reason she is very tired is because the bull dyke in the room next to hers was having sex with her gf all night - and they are very loud.

MH actually had to leave the house at 3am as she couldn't stand it anymore - could hear them over the radio & the TV.

i am so happy I live on another floor...

We're going to have to have a talk to that girl...

Humph

Today, I just can't be fucked.

It's one of those days.

And the fuckers in maint. dept have cranked the aircon - I just saw a penguin go past.

Off to Swindon tonight - AL called last night to run the list of booze past me to check if I think we'll need any more -

48 cans of XXXX (not for me, but still - why???)
4 bottles of Cointreau
4 bottles of Peach Schnapps
4 bottles Bacardi
6 bottles of Absolute
6 bottles red wine (asst.)
4 bottles of white wine (asst.)

Beer is for her hubby C, wine is for C & I to share as we are the only ones who drink it, the rest is up for grabs for the 4 of us girls.

We should just about make it through the weekend.

I might pick up some tequila though - just to be on the safe side.


I have been at work for approx 330 mins and I think I've only thought of sex 329 - oops, make that 330 times.... fuck! When is this going to ease off??????????



Anyway, have a good weekend - I know I will be!

Flypaper for freaks.

A few weeks ago now, I was sitting at home one night, minding my own business, feeling relaxed and a little sleepy when my cheating ex decided to call. Now, the last email that I ever sent him wasn’t particularly nice and it made it very clear that I never wanted to hear from him again.

I spent a fair bit of time trying to work out how he got my UK number and it wasn’t until I asked one of my ex-workmates if she thought any of my other workmates would have been stupid enough to give it to him that she told me that my weekly emails home get sent out to all the teams in each business area that I have worked – and he works in one of them.

Anyway, this particular evening (my time – it was about 4am Oz time) he was lying in bed, alone, because he and his fiancée (you know, the mother of his child) had had a fight and she was sleeping in the spare room so he was feeling lonely and decided to call me…. As you do…. Because I know if I cheated on someone and broke their heart, I’d be calling them on the other side of the world to tell them how much I missed them and when were they coming back and could we try again…. Particularly when I was about 3 mths out from my wedding….

Anyway, I simply told him to go read the last email I ever sent him – nothing had changed. (If I can find it, I’ll even post it on this blog for you all at some stage as it’s a bit of a classic and according to C & K it’s the best thing I have ever written ….although going by this blog, you could be forgiven for thinking that that’s not saying much, however, rest assured that I do a very good line in snarky emails - just in case any of you ever need any help)

And then yesterday, at work, I get another call from him.

He was out in the city, blind drunk (they’d had another fight so he went into town to get smashed) and once he’d succeeded in his quest to drink as much alcohol as possible, he decided to call me again.

Fuckwit.

It took me a while to work out who it was as he was slurring so badly but when I worked it out the conversation went kind of like this –

FW: I love you
Me: Right –
FW: Noooo – you don’t unnerstan – I LOVE you
Me: Wow, that’s a bit of a problem for you right there then, isn’t it? Go home and sleep it off.
FW: Nooooo! I’m seri- hic - serious, I really love you mumble mumble
Me: You are clearly pissed and I am at work – go to bed and tomorrow, apologise to your fiancée for being a cunt
FW: But I REALLY love you, I wanna see you, come home mumble mumble something mumble
Me: (exasperated but also considering laughing at just how truly fucking ridiculous this is) Look, I am going to hang up, I suggest you go home, you have no clue what you are talking about and frankly, I don’t care – fuck off and don’t call me again.

I hung up

He called back.

FW: Did you ‘ang up on me or did the line cut out?
Me: I hung up on you – just like I am about to again. Goodbye.
FW: NOOOOOOO-

I hung up again

He called back again

Me: (hissed angrily down the phone) If you don’t stop fucking calling me I am going to call Telstra and report you for harassing me – how much more clear can I make it ??? There is nothing that you have to say that interests me. Fuck off and do not call me.
FW: Bu-

I hung up again

This time I turned my ph off.

Son of a BITCH.

Too damn cute

My sisters new dog...





If that isn't one of the cutest things you have ever seen, I don't know what is.

Busy work

Words for today -

Fabulous (admittedly one of my favourite words and one I use ALL the time, although oddly, I haven't used it much on my blog)

Baffled

Dunk

Muffled

Macho


I do have some more work to do today - its very exciting! The other guy who sort-of-kind-of-but-not-really does the same job as me is away for the week so I am doing his job as well as the other bits & pieces I have snaffled the last couple of days (OO - there's another word for the day - 'snaffled' - lol)

The girls got back from Ireland last night - drank a couple of bottles of white and more then a few cocktails again and N drank a bottle of Baileys. It wasn't as hard to get up this morning as I thought it was going to be though which was quite nice….

They are trying to convince me to go on the Jack the Ripper tour walk thing with them tomorrow night - they seem to forget that walking just doesn't work for me.

Anyway, out to dinner tonight which should be good (it would be pretty hard for it not to be, considering the company and all) and have booked train tickets to go down to Swindon to visit AL & C for the weekend - planning to go to Bath, Stonehenge and a castle… hopefully Pembroke, Caernarfon or Aberystwyth…. I like castles… a lot… and seeing as I know a fair bit of the history of those 3, I would dearly like to get to see them. N also reads a fair bit of English/Norman & Welsh history so she is rather keen to see them also.

Back to work for me !

Wow

I actually have some work to do !!!

First person who manages to guess just how happy I am about that wins a prize!


It'll probably only take me an hour or so but still - very exciting stuff!

No one here but us chickens

So… Fri night was good…

We ate ourselves stupid, rolled to the pub, drank more, headed home, drank more, took lots of pics of the girls - they got one of me by pinning me to the ground but thankfully they were then stupid enough to give me the camera to take a pic of them so I deleted it.

I bloody hate photo's.

Anyway, we all then decided to start calling home, now when I got here, I specifically got a network that does cheap calls to Oz - to a landline it costs me 6p a min and to a mobile it costs me 20p a min. At last tally, we spent just over £100 on phone calls because we had 2 phones going at once. It was however very nice to talk to everyone although I suspect it would be nicer if I could remember the conversations now.

Someone got all excited and decided that we should go to Portobello Rd markets in the morning (wtf??) - I knew that was never going to happen and seeing as we got to bed when the sun was already up, it was pretty much a given. I got up at about 11am and we all sat there talking and laughing until about 12 when I started cooking b'fast. Bacon, scrambled eggs, mushrooms, hashbrowns (which I haven't made since I got over here but N offered to grate the potatoes if I'd make them) and toast - we ate ourselves stupid. God I love hot breakfasts. The girls flight to Ireland left at 6pm and we managed to get them there in time. Lucky.

Went home, skipped dinner and just went to bed.

Sunday was morning phone calls to my family - about the only people we didn't call the night before…. Then off to a day spa for the day. I was salt scrubbed, mud wrapped, vichy showered, hot stone massaged and facialed and pedicured to within an inch of my life and it was sheer bliss.

Not to mention it was about all I was good for.

Dinner was raspberries with clotted cream, followed by large amounts of water trying to flush all the toxins out that were giving me the mother of all headaches.

Feeling moderately ok today but I might go get some chinese cupping done. There's no way that yesterday got rid of even 1/4 of the toxins and I am on a serious de-tox until the girls get back from Ireland.

I so wish I could remember all the funny comments of the night because I do remember sitting there a couple of times thinking 'oh my god - I MUST remember to put that on my blog' but I just do not remember what they were.

I didn't realise just how dry my skin had been getting until I had about 10 litres of oil rubbed into it yesterday and today it feels so bloody good. I might have to switch to a heavier body oil for a while.

I'm also thinking about dying my hair back to the dark brown - only because red is so much maintenance and brown is easy. I am getting the shits with needing to be at the hairdressers every 2 weeks.

Apart from that, its all quiet back at the ranch...

Why?

As i type this I am moderately (ok, more then moderately) pissed and sitting here watching my friends do 'blow fish' on the conservatory doors while they take pictures with a toy monkey... well, they are taking the pictures with a camera, but the monkey is in the pics with them anyhway.

I suspect that things are heading downhill...

We spent the train journey home (or a good part of it) talking to a photographer who had spent the night taking pictures at a porn party. The pics weren't too bad but the girls were only average - I've seen better.

hell, I've slept with better.

but thats a story for another time I guess.

Dinner at a chinese rest. in Soho then off to a pub for pitchers of drinks - once again, stick a straw in there and go hard. Met everyone in our carriage on the way home - i don't know if all of them wanted to meet us but we're friendly kinda gals...

Too many funny calls during the night to go into now and I really can't be fucked - I'll do it sober.

I'm getting yelled at for not drinking fast enough.

I've smoked a pack of ciggies and am onto the 2nd pack and i don't even fucking smoke - hate it actually .. damn peer pressure....

So far we've spent £70 on ph calls back to Oz.

Thats a lot of booze we've missed out on....

Time to go - someone is drinking straight from the bottle and one of the others is pretending to be a corpse from the catacombes in Paris... as you do....

There is no way in hell we are going to make it to the markets tomorrow.

Thank fuck she's off to Ireland on Sat....

So…. Wednesday night……

Met N & T at the tubestop - somehow we managed to miss each other so I spent 45 mins sitting in the tube station getting more and more stressed wondering where they were and they spent 45 mins sitting outside the tube station getting more and more stressed wondering where I was! Finally calls were made and insults exchanged (it’s the cornerstone of our friendship) and hugs were given and rec'd with great enthusiasm.

Anyway, when we got back to mine on Wed night, the first thing she does is pull out 2 large bottles of Cointreau. We drank both of them… and a bottle of Schnapps and a bottle of Bacardi.

Thursday we got up, showered etc and headed in to town. We made it as far as a pub in Covent Garden and at 11am we started ordering jugs of cocktails - we just stuck straws in them and started drinking. I have discovered that I can finish a jug of 'Sex on The Beach' cocktails in 15 mins without even having to really try. (I could probably drink it faster if I sculled… fun activity for tonight??)

We left at 4pm and headed to Harrods for an ice-cream sundae. (God I LOVE those things) By the time we got home, we were absolutely fucked. I cooked and then we started drinking again. I got to bed at about 4am last night and needless to say, I am feeling pretty average today.

Tonight is a girls night out so that promises to be rather eventful as well.

God help me.

Thank Christ she's off to Ireland on Sat for a few days before she comes back here for a week!

There’s more where these came from ….

Words I want to see more of……

Bamboozled
Befuddled
Fantabulous
Bemused
Coinkydink
Tomfoolery
Fluster
Shenannigans
Codswallop
Flabergasted
Ginormous
Umbrage
Dandy
Curmudgeon
Adorkable (an adorable dork)
Barfday (the day after a big night out, not just the day after your birthday)
Waffle (not the food)
Deja Boo (recurring nightmare)
Deja Moo (the feeling you’ve heard this bull before)
Vuja de (the feeling that this has never happened before)
Daft
Vile
Hornswoggled
Snuggle
Hunky-dory
Splendifurous
Smoosh
Darned (of the ‘Well I’ll be’ variety)
Aquadextrous (being able to turn the bath taps off with your toes)
Daren’t
Snit
Wacky
Womble


Shuddup about my spelling…..

Anyway lovely people, a friend of mine arrives in London tonight and I have tomorrow off so I can spend the day doing touristy type stuff with her & another friend of ours who will be up from Swindon for the day.

She's bringing me red cordial and Caramello Koala's!!!!

Sooooooooooooooooo bloody excited!

Have a fab day & 'see' you all on Friday!

Hugs to all!

Shit

I just saw these....


Which ones ????!!!!!!! *WAIL*

And don't say 'both' - the first person who says 'both' is going to be reported to my mother and she will have nothing very nice to say to you!!!!!

(Sorry - its not a very sharp image - it was to start, I dunno what the hell I did to it though.)

Weird things

I admit its not always hard to do, but I am a little confused right now....

I have gone up a cup size, but I got on the scales this morning (evil things) and I have lost 2 kgs.... how the hell does that happen?????


And just to save Steph any further confusion or torment (while waiting for details), I promise that when I have sex again, I will post the full Halleujah Chorus.

That should alleviate any further confusion....



I had a whole series of very bizarre dreams last night and restless, broken sleep. I actually had a dream that did (briefly) include a blog - how odd - and a whole series of other weird events.



When I was having my shower this morning I thought of something that would make a really good post but then I decided to 'fiddle with myself' and now I forget.

Sorry, I got nuthin...

Passionate New Affair

No, I haven't managed to get my bed & cotton sheets to make a firm commitment to me, but i am rather in love with these little beauties......







Waddya think??? Are they worthy to be added to the collection???

Actually, i don't really care - I think they will be regardless, the butterfly cut out is just too cute!

Fuck fuck fuck

I broke the DIY ban.

And to add insult to injury, because thats ALL I wanted to do, I couldn't get off.

Would anyone care to guess just HOW unhappy I am right now????

Proof that the universe has a sense of humour.

FFS.


So, yesterday I was shopping (what a surprise) as I was standing in AP, my best friend C texted to ask if I was ok to talk, gave her a call once I left the changing rooms and started chatting away as you do... I was trying to decide which type of matching underwear I should get to go with the bra and decided to ask her opinion...

Me: Sooooo... waddya think - crotch-less or crotch-full underwear?
C: What the fuck?? Where the he- actually, no, i do not even WANT to know where you are buying your underwear from that that would be a relevant question!!!!!!!
Me: *pissing myself laughing* I thought you'd like that one....
C: Oh, i thought you were serious for a min there and that that was a choice!
Me: Actually I am and it is, I just knew how much you'd love it!

C is a little conservative. hehe.


I would like to point out that I would never have been shopping yesterday afternoon if my housemates hadn't dragged me to Selfridges for afternoon tea again (God but I am SO addicted to scones with jam & clotted cream!!!) so i blame them for all of it - especially my expanding ass & boobs and my diminishing bank balance (WHY could it not happen the other way???)

Would you take an alcoholic to a bottle shop?? I mean really, would you ?????

Ok Steph - you aren't allowed to answer that...... *grin*

Meh - off to do grocery shopping....

Call of the Week

Talking on the ph to C about her partner /relationship / men in general -

"Men" she sighed. "They're not all they're cracked up to be.... which is pretty sad seeing as they really aren't cracked up to be all that great"

Apologies to the men, but I thought it was really fucking funny.

Randoms

Nearly forgot…

The Lindt choc was freakin awesome!! I was bouncing off the walls for hours once that shit kicked in. You really need to try some!



A couple of times since I have been over here, I have said things that have caused people to look at me and go wtf??? One of those sayings was ‘sparrows fart’

One day as I was sitting on the bus heading to town with MH & LH, I was bitching that I had woken up at sparrows fart due to our noisy neighbours, MH & LH just looked at me and I had to stop to explain what it means. Last night, LH walked into the house and I asked her how her day had been “Oh, not too bad but you know, like that saying of yours – I woke up and farted when the sparrow did”

Cue me falling to the floor laughing my fucking head off. When I finally wiped the tears from my eyes, I explained the correct saying and made her repeat it a few times just to be sure she had it right….. But that is now my new fave saying…..


My La Senza finally arrived yesterday in the midst of chatting to another blogger so I was a little distracted.... which is my only excuse for making the apology of ‘sorry, still stroking my underwear’

It is however, underwear worth stroking (Mind out of the gutte- oh, sorry… Ok, for those of you for whom it is a natural level, just stay there – I don’t want you hurting yourselves trying anything new, for the the rest of you – if there is any ‘rest of you’ – bloody stop that!) I looooooove new underwear, its all simple stuff - just basics, but I just love it. Needless to say I washed it as soon as I got it home and I am wearing it today and I have to note that these are the comfiest underwear I have had in a while. Steph – the itec’s rock!

I even slept in a pair of them and I normally sleep naked – that tells you how comfy they are!


In other random news, I noticed that the ends of the branches of all the trees in my street are swelling with buds – spring is, it appears, finally preparing to make an entrance – which would be pretty bloody nice seeing at it was -3 today.

Fucking English weather.

Stephs Meme

1.How old were you when you lost your virginity? Who was it to? Describe the event.
I was 19, he was the guy I was seeing at the time, it wasn't mindblowing but it was fun. :-)

2- What is the strangest place you've had sex?
I dont know, it depends on your definition of 'strange', I have a thing for sex in public places but I guess the time in my ex bf's spa during his b'day party with the brother of his new gf would kind of count... I'm nothing if not classy...

3- Who would you consider "switching teams" for?
Angelina. In a heartbeat.

4-Do you prefer to give or receive?
I'm with Steph on this one.

5- One night stands- What's the protocol? Stay the night or get the hell outta there?
Never actually had one so I really don't know. I guess it depends on how good it was?

6-Favourite body part/parts of the opposite sex?
Eyes, Shoulders, Arms, Chest, Hands.

7-quickie or long and slow?
Depends if I can bear to wait or not.

8-Noisy or quiet?
I'm quiet - I seem to have enough trouble getting air to breathe let alone scream, I have however perfected the silent scream :-)

9- Ideal amount of sex per week?
As much as he's prepared to give me, 'rations' just don't work for me.

10-What's your number one sexual turn off?
Poor hygiene. Cleanliness is next to godliness people!

11-Number one arousal trigger?
Having the back of my neck or my shoulders kissed - its all over from that point, every nerve is humming and and every muscle is tightening in anticipation.

12-What constitutes bad sex?
No mental connection.

13- Celebrity you would love to shag right now?
Joaquin Phoenix

14- Define sexy?
Someone who is assured without being arrogant and can get inside my mind and make me laugh.

15- Remember the best sex you ever had. What made it special?
Him.


I tag Indy, Imelda, Puss & Dollop .... One day I will learn how to link... I promise....

Oh the memories...

Reading Stephs meme* I came to the last question and paused – ‘Remember the best sex you ever had. What made it special?’

I didn’t need to stop to consider which, out of the countless times I have had sex, was ‘the best’. One particular night immediately sprang to mind.

It wasn’t just because that night it was all about me – it wasn’t just the fact that it was raining outside and we were warm inside, that he’d run me a bath while he cooked me dinner and remembered to buy my favourite wine, that he hadn’t drunk beer specifically so that I wouldn’t wrinkle my nose at his beer breath, that he used my favourite massage oil and that he wouldn’t let me do anything but lay back and enjoy while he did everything that he knew I loved, that he drove me wild and reduced me to tears and begging – all of that was great, mind-blowing in fact, but what made it the best sex I have ever had was the look in his eyes as he finally entered me, then stopped and brought my hand to his mouth and kissed my fingers and traced the line of my eyebrow and ran his thumb across my lips and looked into my eyes and told me how much he loved me as I unravelled – again and again and again. I can still close my eyes and remember the way I felt right then and it shortens my breath every time.

*Sigh*

It’s really a pity he was a lying little fucker.

*Sorry - I still have no clue how to link, I am however, very proud of myself for seeing that this is how I change the font size.....

One Word

I got the following email a couple of days ago -

Describe the person who sent this to you in ONE WORD - just one. Send it back to the sender (only the sender) then forward this on to your friends and see how many strange things people think about you.

These are the responses I got …

Princess ( x 8)
Feisty (x6)
Loyal ( x 5)
Affectionate (x4)
Mischevious (x 4)
Stubborn
Insane
Funny
Hilarious
Boozehag
Shoeaddict
Giver-of-great-advice (according to this person it only counts as one word if you use hyphens)
Kind
Unshockable
Mum
Sensualist
Steadfast
Beautiful
Decadent
Surprising
Adventurous
Shopaholic
Indulgent

No wonder I love my friends - most of them picked such nice words!

Incidently, the person who sent it to me, I said they were certifiable.... I'm sure that’s the only reason why they said I was insane….

How Odd

Isn't it odd how attached you become to your computer???

I'm using an apple at the moment at home and its driving me crazy.

Apple sucks.

Last Night

Amusing calls from last night –

American Girl (to the Kiwi) – So, do you, like, have a pet sheep at home?
South African Girl (interrupting) – What?? That’s like asking me if I have a fucking pet lion!?
(Snorts of laughter from the rest of the table)
Kiwi – Um… hehe… actually I do though…..

Moral of the story – some stereotypes do have a basis in fact.

The French girl & I were talking about the date she went on last week – he hasn’t called and she’s a bit dirty about it as she liked him. I don’t know how to ‘write’ a French accent so you just have to imagine it –

Frenchie – Stupid men!
Me - *pissing myself laughing*
Frenchie – What? What is so funny?
Me – *still laughing* When I say ‘stupid men’ I just sound like a bitch, when you say it, it sounds really fucking cute! Adorable even ! Say it again !!!!!!!!!!!!
Frenchie - (as I go to have a drink of my wine) Stupid men !
Me - *cough* *choke* *splutter* laughing my ass off the whole time

Moral of the story – with a cute accent, you can get away with insulting people and snorting red wine out through your nose hurts and is not very lady like.

Talking about our new housemate who is, it must be said, quite unfortunate looking and a VERY big girl, I don’t have a problem with that, the problem is that she’s also a complete fucking pig and has no concept of hygiene or any consideration for other people. She also needs to learn to empty the fucking litter tray that her stinky, un-brushed cat uses, more often. (It is a lovely cat though)

Me – It’s not that she really does anything apart from that – its more the fact that she’s THERE – you know – that she’s BREATHING
LH – Really? Its her size that annoys the shit out of me – lose some fucking weight already bitch.

Dead silence, jaws dropping. I actually paused with my wine glass halfway to my mouth.

LH – What????? When she’s in the kitchen, you can’t DO anything – she’s in the way and you cant get into cupboards or anything and we’ve got a really big kitchen!

Still all silent (in shock actually)

Me – Umm, darl – I am the only one that is supposed to make bitchy comments around here – coming from anyone, that’s fucking harsh, coming you... holy shit, I think I’d just throw myself off a bridge and be done with it!

Moral of the story – never trust the Greeks !!!!


So the girls night out was a raging success, we had an absolute ball, drank a fair bit of wine, ate a lot of great food (I had steak …mmmmm…. MEAT! God I love steak, I could never go on a rabbit food diet).

In other news –

The DIY ban is not going so good – I’ve stuck to it, but just how long does it take to starve your sex drive into submission ??? Because it’s killing me.

I also had time before dinner to stop in at Selfridges and while I was wandering around the chocolate section (mmmmmm) I discovered something very exciting – who knew that Lindt made dark chocolate in a 99% version??? 70% yes, 85% yes, but I didn’t know about that 99% shit – I got me some of that quick smart – will try it tonight and let you know how that goes….

I also had a giggle at some of the Edward Monkton cards they had there – I LOVE Edward Monkton cards – they are just too damn funny & I actually bought the book he wrote called ‘The Pig of Happiness’ If you see one, get it – it’s a crack up. He also wrote one about a lady who loved shoes – if I can track that baby down you better believe I’ll be getting it too.

Anyway, the ones that made me giggle last night were –

(Above a picture of a chicken) “We can all fly as high as the dreams we dare to live…. Unless we are a chicken”

Hehe – I know exactly how high a chicken can fly – and its not very high at all. It works on so many levels….

And “Live your dreams – except that one about being eaten by a big spider.”

Cracks me up.

It’s the little things in life….

Lalala

Nothing to say really... having a great day....

Spent the morning speaking to some of my fave bloggers (you know who you are!)

Had my ham & philly s'wich for lunch...

I was planning on having chicken marinated in wine & herbs with mushrooms for dinner but I have now made plans to go out to dinner with the girls ...

I'm having a great hair day.

I can't stop smiling.

All is well with the world.

Except I'm still gagging for it.

*sigh*

Can't have it all I guess.

Lmao

Sometimes it really sucks being me.

I was talking to C on the weekend and complaining about how totally fucking desperate I am at the moment - not to put too fine a point on it, I am well past 'gagging' for it - and I was saying that I don't know why my sex-drive is sky high at the moment. She pointed out that prior to PB, my sex-drive was always this high - its only since that 'relationship' that it was muted and as i have dealt with it, I've slowly been getting back to normal.... Then she started pulling out examples and you know what, she's bloody right.... It appears that I'm at least 90% out of the deep freeze....

Most of my friends are of the firm opinion that I am a bit of a freak. Not only do I come easily, I'm multi-orgasmic and generally don't stop until I either a0 hurt myself or b) the desperate need for oxygen forces me to or c) until I actually pass out (again - oxygen is a good thing).

In a way, this is great.

In a way, its not so good.

A high sex-drive (particularly now it appears that its getting back to normal) is great when you have a partner who can match it but not so great when you don't and you're the type of girl who is unable to just go out there and shag anyone.

It has finally reached the point where DIY is just no longer doing it for me. I can come more times then I can count and still be just as hungry as when I started - more so, in fact. Keep going and it doesn't matter - no matter what I do, its just not cutting it anymore. In actual fact, I think its just making it worse. I am in physical pain right now and I have the attention span of a stapler.

This almost leaves me with a dilemma. Kman is willing. I know that. In fact, he's been remarkably un-subtle about his preparedness to help me out here. The problem is that yes, he's a great friend so I do trust him to a certain extent and yes, I have it on good authority that he's great in bed and yes, I actually am a little attracted to him and yes, it would certainly be convenient and would most likely help…. But (there's always a 'but') …..I just don't want to go there.

I've hemmed and hawed and waffled on about 'ruining the friendship' and all that other crap, but at the end of the day, as much as I need a good hard fuck right now, I just don't want one.

Or not from him. Or from anyone else who's available to provide said service.

Someone said to me today 'You and I both know if you wanted a good shag you could go out and find one...so you just have to accept the truth you either don't want it, or you want it with all the entanglements that is a relationship'

It sucks that this person was right.

It sucks that I can't let go and actually have sex with someone and enjoy it no matter how badly I want to until I have that emotional security.

I hate being me right now.

Notes to self / Timely reminders / Lessons learnt from this weekend

MH wouldn’t so much as blink if I dropped a £1000 on a handbag, but if I want to spend £500 on a pair of boots or £300 on a pair of shit-hot stiletto heels, she will drag me out of the store – literally - by my ear.

Being dragged out of Jimmy Choo by your ear is very embarrassing.


Under no circumstances should you EVER go clothes shopping when you have your period. Not only will you feel fat and ugly in anything and everything, resulting in very high levels of ‘pissed off-ness’, snotty changing room assistants will annoy you so much that you’ll feel the need to make a complaint to the manager about their attitude.



Note to self – if going to Selfridges for afternoon tea, do not eat lunch before hand or you will be sick from eating too much.


Note to self – HSBC are f**king hopeless and if I get one more random check done on my card I am going to scream. I’d change banks but I think they are all as bad as each other.


Disney stores rock. Except for the kids. Annoying little fuckers. i love kids but WHY do some parents seem to think that its ok to send their kids on a search & destroy mission in the Disney store?? That kind of behaviour isn't acceptable in public under any circumstances.


Perfume counters over here don’t always have coffee beans on hand – take your own because otherwise you will end up dizzy as well and with a headache. Buying perfume for yourself is fun, buying perfume with someone else is a pain in the ass when they have no clue what they like.


Bulgari White perfume fades to scent that is exactly like a mens aftershave… and a very very nice one at that… and I’m fucked if I can pin point which one it is.


I already have a lot of perfume, I probably didn’t need to buy 2 more bottles but it was fun, so that justifies it right ??? Right ???? (NB, I got Kenneth Cole Black (mens) and Bulgari White) Would you care to guess how much I struggled to choose which one to wear today?????


I hate the lights they have at the makeup counters – no matter how good they say they are and no matter how well you think you can judge, when you get the foundation home, its never quite right. Normally the Chanel one I bought would be right but because I am just SO white at the moment its too dark. So I went & got a custom blended one at Prescriptives… I LOVE it !!!


Now, question for you all – I love Serfontaine jeans and at Selfridges, they have the Bodymetrics system (if I knew how to make that a link I would, but I am technologically retarded so you’ll just have to google it). Anyway, I think that £275 is quite reasonable for a pair of custom made, never going to find a pair that fit better, perfectly hot jeans and MH disagrees. She disagrees so strongly that she threatened to confiscate my credit cards.

Am I just in one of my delusional ‘must shop / the more expensive it is, the more I must have it’ phases or IS that justifiable?????

EDIT - I nearly forgot - I also got attacked by a carzy bag lady on Sunday morning - you really shouldn't laugh at them when they hit you with their bag as it annoys them. For future ref, avoid contact and walk on quickly, laugh at them and they will follow you shouting abuse. Oops.

Uh Oh...

I woke up this morning and planned a big day of fuck all.

So there I was, lying in bed, quite happily listening to the radio and all of a sudden the music stops.... and I hear an 'Oh fuck..' from MH's room....

Power was out.

Our landlord happens to be in Vegas for a week - no alternate contact left for us- and we don't know who the power company is.

Luckily a bloody bill had arrived the day before so we open it, call the company & they tell us someone will be out in 4 hours.

No way were the girls & I sitting round for 4 hours, LM had already bolted out the door muttering something about going for a run so we all bolted upstairs, got dressed and told Neanderthal Man that he'd have to wait there as we were going into town to have breakfast.

I do a lot of posts bitching about this city and all the things I hate about it but breakfast at Carluccio's with the girls is one of the things that I love most.

I freaking LOVE cooked breakfasts and theirs are pretty darn good and when you add great company to that, well, does life really get much better ?? Especially when I'm also in kick-ass shoes at the same time :-)

No, I think it doesn't.

So MH, LH, Frenchie & I had breakfast and then went for a wander round Oxford St, that is another thing I love. I purely despise having to fight the crowds, but the never ending shops are like a little piece of heaven... even if many of them I wouldn't be caught dead in.

So today I was quite good - i bought 2 Chanel liquid eyeshadows, 2 Chanel lipliners, 1 YSL False Eyelash effect mascara (it really is the best), and then back to Chanel for some foundation - I've been addicted to Dior makeup lately but I think I'm back onto Chanel at the moment. Thats just a guuess though...

I also bought some 3/4 black pants but I'm still a little iffy on them. I may take them back. I think they make my legs look short and that just doesn't work for me for obvious reasons.

Then we went past the Disney store and I bought fairy costumes for each of my nieces... plus the matching wands, slippers and story book ... bloody hell ...

Then we went past HMV... now the 2nd time I went to Ireland, i was in a bit of a daze (ie. hungover and drunk and had only had 8 hours sleep in 3 days) and when I got off the plane, i left my ipod behind. I haven't bought one since because.. well.. frankly, i can't be fucked and EVERYONE over here has one that i just feel like such a wanker being one of the sheep. So I've been buying lots of CD's lately.

Today it was the Rolling Stones, Janes Addiction, Barbara Striesand, a dance compliation and one with all these great songs from the 60's. (As a matter of fact, yes, 'great' IS the right word)

Fuck. I can't believe I spent all that money and we're going shopping tomorrow as well because I still REALLY want to buy things.

This is what happens - shopping is my substitute for sex so when it gets really bad, i just go shopping.

Ooooooooh I'm going to regret this when I eventually pluck up the courage to log in to my internet banking and check my balance.

I do however have a valid reason for going shopping tomorrow - I broke the heel on my beloved brown leather boots today - just before I got home. I adore those boots but there is a pair of brown jimmys that I'm crushing on at the moment and I KNOW I have enough on my credit card to cover those babies.... we'll see. I know damn well that I shouldn't. Infact, it would be downright insane and I think I would feel sick afterwards, the big question though is can a pair of jimmy's make up for that? Personally i think they could - very easily - but I REALLY need to be good here - I'm supposed to breaking my damn habit, not feeding it.

Anyway, thats a dilema for tomorrow. I just have to decide what I'm going to do BEFORE i put them on - because once they get on my feet, they wont be coming off. I know my weaknesses.

Tonight the girls and I have been looking at La Senza online... I want some new lingerie. (i want I want I want - thats all I ever bloody say, isn't it !!!) As i went through my lingerie draw this morning and noticed that apart from the new ones, the others are all starting to look like A-'s ... the second they get classed as an A-, its time to start looking for new ones because they are about to be shown the door.

Sometimes, i realise just how bloody expensive I am to run and I am forced to admit that my male friends MM & CCG may just be right when they say I'm high maintenance. Today is one of those days.

Not that I'll ever admit that to them though.

Anyway, early as it is, i am off to bed - lots of shopping to do tomorrow! But just before i do, here's a couple more things I love about being in London -

Standing at the bus stop the other day, I suddenly realised just how freakin lucky i am to be able to be here. I called my best friend C back home and said 'guess what?' "what?' she replies 'I'm in London!!!! Bahahahahahahahahahahaha' "bitch' says she...

Squirrels - I said this before but they are just so damn cute. I love them

Crisp cold mornings

Red bus / black taxi - even if all the drivers are insane.

Standing on Oxford St

Hyde Park

The bare trees - stark outlines against a grey sky aren't exactly 'pretty' but they are beautiful


More later - I'm tired!

Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit's FRIDAY!

Right, 3 x 10 mins of quality 'me' time in the ladies toilets + 2 & 1/2 KrispyKreme's later (I wonder why I haven't lost any more weight? No exercise + Krispy kremes… lets see here….) I am past the sugar rush and just sitting quite happily on cloud 9, blissed out …

Oh, I also fixed up the schedules, reset the reports, diverted my phone and put an out of office on my email.

Hehe

So, girls night in tonight - everyone from work is going out for a big one - its pay day & there are birthdays & farewells but I don't know any of the people that we are celebrating for and I would rather be at home with the girls so that’s that.

I have a new food addiction - malted bread with double smoked ham & philly cream cheese - sooooo good!

People keep talking to me about sex and its driving me crazy. Bastards. Just because everyone else is getting some ! Grrrr.

I know I shouldn't be bashing men but this one was too funny not to share - the human barbie doll sent me this one last night - I call her that because she seriously is - she's tall, lithe, great bone structure, had a boob job, perma-tanned, has huge violet blue eyes, a megawatt, ultra-white smile and barbie blonde hair to her hips that she wears either poker straight or in ringlets that remind me of the curly hair they use in barbie dolls...

Anyway -
Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously because it was all empty and quiet. "Hello?" she cried, but no answer.

"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer.

Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at the top of her voice, "HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?" Then she heard a faint voice from far, far away..............











"We're down here ..."


Funny, because we women have always suspected that that was the case….

Have a great weekend!

Feeling a little aggressive... Nothing a krispy Kreme won't fix though, I'm sure....

Right, rant for today…

When I started working here it was to basically to take over an existing position, streamline the processes then train a replacement to do the job permanently & retrain the person who had done it previously. (Incidentally, we've had problems recently because they aren't following the procedures I set in place, after all, who ever heard of SAVING documents??? Freakin HONESTLY!)

*Deep breath, count to 100*

When that role ended, they asked me to stay on to do what I am doing now.
This role was created as they had introduced new product lines etc and a new customer service initiative. As I am all about customer service, I was a logical choice to develop the new guidelines and processes that the sales team & back office teams would be using.

That bit was actually fun.

I liked that bit.

Whats driving me crazy now is the stupid f**king people who wont follow the f**king processes!

Its not like they are hard.

It's not like they take much time.

I streamlined everything as much as I possibly could get away with (this company has a perverse infatuation with red tape - I threw MILES of that shit out and they just kept creating more… fucking management, I suspect they like it as they can then blame their own incompetence on the red tape)

Anyway, I consulted with sales people, managers, back office etc and created lovely, simple, streamlined processes.

I argued, I refined, I created, I trained, I implemented.

Someone, somewhere along the line, decided that I should be responsible for tracking scheduling of services and customer communication - fair 'nuff, I don't have a problem with taking on extra duties, even with the shitty wage they are paying me.

Someone, somewhere along the line changed the contract formats slightly without telling me (hence the confusion with the secondary contract / project number) (don't be asking me why we need a secondary contract number - that’s a whole other rant).

SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE, HAS TOLD THE SALES GUYS THAT THEY DON'T NEED TO FOLLOW THE PROCESS.


I'm going to kill that little %^&*$(%*%^%^)()()^$$*%&$&* if I get my hands on him.



He hasn't been into the office yet this morning, but its only a matter of time…………….. I can wait……………


IF the salesguys had been following the process, it actually wouldn't have mattered that they changed the contracts and I made a mistake as a result of that, because I designed the process so that everyone was effectively checking everyone else - it’s a freakin good system if I do say so myself and the best thing is its quick - the spreadsheets and reports that I've created take all of 5 mins to scan over, they are easy to access, read & understand - hell, I even colour coded them so they don't even have to read anything except the company name if they want! If they had been doing what I bloody told them to, it would have been picked up in days. DAYS. Not weeks !!!!!

Now I have to listen to their pathetic whiney little English voices asking me how my 'idiot proof' system could fail. I'll tell you how it could fail - you aren't idiots, you're complete fucking retards who not only don't have the sense god gave a gnat, who can't do what they are told and worse, can't even do what they signed an agreement to do !!!!!!!! (I made them sign an agreement - I've done this shit before) They are so fucking brain dead they should be on life support.

So now, because they didn't follow the process and I made a mistake, the company has to pay out penalties which affect their commission. Because I made them sign those agreements and they didn't follow them, they are being penalised again.

Call me a bitch - go on…. I dare you ……

Fuckers.

The next person who rings me up to bitch again is going to get stomped on.

Screw them.



My boss thinks I'm hilarious when I lose my temper - how lucky is that ?????

I'm going for a Krispy Kreme….

Todays news update is brought to you by Crunchy Nut Cornflakes...

Drinks with the girls last night.

S is back from Greece - sounds like she had a great trip, met 2 Americans & is flying to NY in 10 days to catch up with them. 1 is a stockbroker & the other is a pilot so it should be interesting for her.

Cruisy night.

Made plans to have a girls night in on Friday as S wants me to put her hair extensions in. I should forget all about becoming a teacher and just become a bloody hairdresser or a beauty therapist - I practically am anyway.

In other news….

Yesterday afternoon my boss was looking through some of the spreadsheets I had created to track some stuff … a very enlightening conversation ensued that went something like this….

Boss: 'There are a lot of projects on at the moment aren't there?? I didn't even know about these ones, did they come through while I was away?'
Me: Yeah I know - stupid bastards didn't even send me the notifications like they are supposed to now
Boss: So, how did you know that they are projects?
Me: Oh its on the contract
Boss: … Oh cool… whereabouts on the contract are you looking exactly…..
Me: Oh V showed me how to locate it - it's here.
Boss: Ah…. Yeah, that says project number, but that’s actually the secondary contract number…
Me: …… Are you fucking serious??????

(Cue me hyperventilating as I realise just how many contract terms have been broken and just how many penalties we are going to have to pay out because one person gave me some incorrect info)

So I have pulled all the details for the last week and am now going through them trying to locate which 'Projects' are actually 'Projects' and which ones need to be actioned ASAP.


FAAAAAAAAAARRRRK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


My boss, by the way thinks its hilarious and says it'll serve the sales guys right for not keeping a track of the contracts they win (this will affect their commission), V is just lucky my boss thinks its hilarious or I would have strung her up by her thumbs…

Ah.....

You know the problem with a non-job?? It leaves you too much time to think.

Seeing as my hormone levels are still through the roof at the moment, in particular, it leaves me with too much time to think about sex.

I have just been sitting here daydreaming for the last 45 mins about sex.

Care to guess what i am going to spend the other 6 hours of my day at work doing?

I'm going out of my mind.

Yesterday afternoon our team had a meeting with a total asshat about something that has absolutely nothing to do with me or my role and i spent the entire time thinking about sex.

How no one worked out what I was thinking about I have no idea - I went to the ladies straight after the meeting to scratch the itch and even before I did that, the flushed cheeks and glazed eyes should have given it away.

Last night I was lazy and took the bus home, thanks to traffic jams & roadworks I had 2 & 3/4 hours on that bus to think about sex.

Last night there was nothing on TV and I was too restless to read, so i laid in bed & thought about sex.

Admittedly, thats the perfect place to do it.

But still.

Jesus christ I need to get a hobby.

Now.

How nice...

There are only a few basic irrefutable truths in the known universe. The first just happens to be that nobody puts Baby in the corner.

The second happens to be that the day that you forget your umbrella in London, will be the day it p*sses down raining.

So… a little drenched when I got to work this morning (rain or no rain - I still wasn't running - no need to be drenched AND look like an unco git) but it could be worse - I could have been wearing suede shoes for starters…. Or a white shirt….. So for these small mercies lord, we are darn thankful.

When my hair eventually dries, I suspect I am going to look like a poodle.

Lets not think about that until we have to though eh?

It's going to be a good day.....

I want ....

I want (Aussie) bacon, eggs and BBQ sauce... with toast... dusted with freshly cracked black pepper.....

Not long till I'm home .....

3 months & 2 1/2 weeks......

Not that I am counting.

Personally I blame the morons for breeding.

Ok, I know I bitch a lot about my non-job - but this complaint is more about my co-worker.

There is a guy that does a job that is pretty much the same job as what I do. My problem with him stems from the fact that all the reports are interlinked and pull data from various places and until he does his reports, I can't do mine and until I have got my reports, I can't distribute what needs to be distributed and analyse what needs to be analysed.

Now this is actually kind of handy - its nice to get in of a morning, log on, read my emails, chat to whoever is online, read everyone's blogs… Seeing as that normally takes me until at least 11 am, once I have done that, I would like to do some work.

At 3.30 this afternoon, I gave up waiting for dipshit to do his job & just did it for him so I could do mine.

His job actually takes less time then mine - but he still claims that there's not enough time in the day to get it all done… WTF ???????????

You have got to be joking?! Perhaps if he didn't spend all his time looking at a blank screen, he might actually have the 10 mins a day he needs to do his god-damn job.(He actually does that - at least I surf the net or something, he just sits there and stares at the computer desktop - freak)

On Monday he didn't do part of his job (something that doesn't affect me thankfully) so he's spent most of the day doing that… apparently… I'm still seeing that desktop a lot though…

Honestly, how is possible to be so damn lazy? My boss is about to kill me if I don't stop whining about how bored I am and how much I want some more work to do, how can he stand this?? He's been here for 2 years !!!! TWO YEARS!!!!!

After 2 years of this job, I would probably be comatose too I guess so I shouldn't be so harsh but FFS.

I hate non-jobs and I hate stupid lazy people.

I hate stupid people more then lazy people though, I must admit.

The last call centre I worked in, one of my friends & I decided that when people called, there should be a special router in place and before you could speak to a consultant, you must answer some complusory questions - something along the lines of 1. What day is it today?, 2. What is your name? 3. 2 + 2 = what? 4. Are you aware that we are NOT a pizza or a cab company? If anyone got any of the questions wrong - 500 000 volts - straight down the line baby…

I pitched the idea to the other managers but then they pointed out that we would have no customers left and then we'd all be out of a job…

*sigh*

Another one bites the dust….

Oh CRAP!

I should NEVER have bought those shoes! All I have done is open the floodgates!

In the fine tradition of instant gratification in a disposable society, now that I have had one fix/hit/whatever you want to call it, all i can think of is getting the next one....

Please understand its not that I love my new shoes any less - I do love them! Honestly!

But... well.... *sigh* .... I want them to have some more company....

And I'm fickle - what can I say ??









I'm still a little uncertain about how wide the straps are and that bit running up the back is a bit thick - I like finer staps but I may be prepared to make an exception... Not entirely sure about the shape of that heel either... Is it wrong or is it just me?? I like the theory here - I see what they were trying for but... welll.... hmmmm.....

Opinions please???

Weekend

Have a guess what shoes I am wearing today???

Go on - have a guess!

Hehe

Oh I love love love love love them!

*sigh*

So I didn't do much on the weekend - Fri night went into Covent Garden - Tapa's bar. That was ok, I didn't really feel like being out though so it was just a struggle. Only had 2 drinks. Chatted to friends, met some new people (men) but nothing doing. Was home & in bed early.

Sat morning did the normal stuff - shopping, laundry, cooking. Made lasagne & some more soup. Also baked some more cakes for the rest of the house. MH went away to Bath for the weekend, she invited me but the other person who was going with her is someone I don't feel comfortable around. Frankly he creeps me out a little.

Sat evening gave myself a pedicure, had a soak in the bath & some red wine then laid in bed with my feet in the air admiring my shoes. LMAO

Yes - I really did.

Hahahaha

I know - it's a little bit sad but I can live with it.

Clean sheets….. Mmmmm……..

Sun morning was phone calls to home. I was going to go to the museum again but when I went downstairs to have breakfast at 10.30, LM was in the kitchen with one of his mates, they'd been out all night, were drunk & feeling chatty. We ended up having a weird but totally fucking hilarious conversation about sex, anal sex, strap on's, satisfaction levels of penetration -v- no penetration, sexuality, and god alone knows what else. I spent most of the time laughing my head off. L came into the kitchen mid conversation and got dragged into it too. We managed to escape at about 1pm when I went back to bed, amused myself, read, slept - it was wonderful.
MH came home from Bath early and she, L & I had some drinks, feeling rather happy. Shower, bath, bed.

Feeling pretty good today but that could be the shoes…

Spoke to my friend C this morning, she's having some problems with her man. They'll sort it out, he's just having issues with the responsible adult business (life is very rude like that sometimes) but he'll deal with it because he has to - he's not 19 anymore, he's 30 and real life catches up with you sooner or later.

I don't think she phrased it quite that diplomatically when she told him that though…Ah well.

Anyway, I am off to have breakfast - scone with jam - part of every nutritionally balanced diet I'm sure… at least its not a Krispy Kreme…

Ooooooooooooh....

My shoes have arrived...


They aint gettin any work out me for the rest of the day - I'm just going to sit here with a dreamy smile and gaze besottedly at my shoes while I pat & stroke them like a puppy.


The fabric is so soft & shiny

The leather is so pale and soft and smells so good

The soles are immaculate

So pretty

So comfy

So in love


I could die happy - right now.

Friday Roundup

Friend of mine called me yesterday while I was at work & he was at the Beat (it was dollar drink night & is always a bit messy) and he was SO smashed he was barely comprehensible. From the tone of his emails today, he's in a world of hurt right now. Its so nice that it's not me for once.

I have been struggling with being over here at the moment. Now that I have started to get my shit together, I just want to come home but I also want to travel. I emailed a friend of mine (the most brutally practical man in the world) who is my big little brother and asked him for advice - he says stay, so I'm staying for the few extra months. Now I just need to get him to tell my family and friends… That’s what's really making it harder for me - I do want to come home but when everyone else is asking/begging/crying for me to come home as well its harder to say no.

Shoes still haven't arrived - I'm on tenterhooks until they do. I love lingerie, I love clothes, I love makeup and hair stuff but I WORSHIP shoes… I adore them. I can't wait to get my hands on them. I made sure to wear an outfit today that will go with them so I can change into them as soon as they arrive. Lol

Supposed to be going out tonight to a tapa's bar in Covent Garden.. I don't know if I really feel like going or not. Its so cold I think I might just go home, have some wine and read a book. See how I feel later I guess.

Not going to Ireland for St Patricks day anymore - N & T arrive in London on the 22nd and L may come over here from Dublin for that weekend instead, as A & C will be up in London that weekend as well (we all worked together back home), it promises to be an awesome weekend and is going to take every cent I can get my hands on and then some.

Spoke to MH about going to Rome next month - looks like a plan. She's been there a couple of times and knows some people there too. K2 may also come with us.

In addition to all my other fetishes, I also have a bit of a thing for watches and to prevent me from buying so many, when I turned 21 my family gave me an eco-drive (my father turned 60 the same day so he got given the matching one - isn't that cute?) for the simple reason that it never needs a battery (when the battery dies, instead of getting a new battery, I buy a new watch - this becomes expensive) sure enough, it worked - I haven't worn any other watch since - infact, it has never come off my wrist since the day I got it … until last night when it stopped…. I'm devastated….. I'm also already online looking for a new one …..

The thing that sucks most about Fridays is that all the people I normally chat to online in the morning are in Oz so when I get to work, they are out partying... Friday mornings are very sad for me … boohoo…

WOOOOOOOOOOO BABY!

Hahahahaha - I just bought those shoes, I'm so fucking excited its ridiculous!

I just got the hugest rush of adrenaline - how sad is that ????

LOL - all my workmates think I'm crazy because I am sitting here with a grin a mile wide and twitching with joy because I bought some shoes over the net... I'll have them in my hot little hands tomorrow....

This might just be better then sex... well, its more recent anyway !

Oooooh I'm so happy right now !

OH YEAH!

Things that shit me

There are 2 habits in particular that absolutely revolt me – one is spitting and the other is sniffling. The two are often very closely related…

They would have to be2 of the most disgusting habits ever. Even the sound of someone spitting is enough to make me cringe and gag which is unfortunate as it’s a very common habit in London.

Filthy pigs.

It seriously grosses me out - I’m gagging just typing this.

The other thing that drives me insane is people who sniffle. If you’ve got a cold, it’s not as if you don’t KNOW that you have it - carry some tissues for fucks sake! If its cold out (which tends to make peoples nose’s run) then is it going to kill you to carry some goddamn tissues??!!

Do NOT sit there and fucking sniffle – or if you must, then don’t do it near me.

I hate those people that have a really bad cold and instead of blowing their nose (my gorge is rising just thinking about it) they suck it back and … hang on… nearly threw up then … swallow it.

ARGH

Its just feral.

I carry tissues everywhere and only a couple of times have I been caught without them when I desperately needed some – the last time it happened was before I came over here and I had a bit of a cold and I was driving to work on the highway… I actually blew my nose on a singlet that I had left in the car rather then sniffle, I just can’t stand it. I had to throw the singlet out (no way was I putting that through the washing machine & wearing it again) but it was worth it.

I have been known to hand tissues to complete strangers on public transport, in the cinema’s and in shops, purely so that they would stop fucking snuffling and driving me up the wall.

So bearing all of that in mind, you can imagine the sheer delight I felt yesterday afternoon, when, after having decided to catch the bus home so I could watch the snow, I was unlucky enough to have a woman sit next to me who sniffled constantly…

And I was out of tissues….

The bus was full so I couldn’t even move to another seat. I spent 45 motherfucking minutes next to that filthy bitch listening to her sniffle. I swear to god I thought my head was going to explode. In the end I had to put my hands over my ears to block out the sound or I was going to start banging either my head or hers against the window.

God I nearly ran off that bus – I stood up 2 stops before I was due to get off just to get away from her.

Filthy cow – I hope she ends up with a really bad throat infection.


In other PMT related issues, S had arranged to come over last night so I could do her eyebrows before she heads to Greece on holiday. She texted me yesterday afternoon regarding this and the text conversation went like this:

S: Hey ru still k 2 do my ibrows 2nite?
Me: Yes
S: Wot time do u want me to kum ova?
Me: Anytime is fine.
S: Well im @ home now so wot time suits u? Can I kum now?
Me: Give me a couple of hours and anytime after that is fine.
S: is 7 k? I can b there anytime.
Me: I have very little credit left on my phone and I can’t be assed calling up to increase it so stop wasting my money. Come over whenever you fucking want and for fucks sake, enough with the stupid fucking abbreviations – use proper English or I will ignore you from now on. If you have any further questions, call me.


Yep… gotta love PMT….

Funnily enough though, that was the last text I got from her and she did turn up promptly at 7.

And yes, I ate as soon as I got home – I was much happier then.

Which leads me onto my next point –

I am eating so much food at the moment (I get very narky when I am hungry). Seriously! I am ALWAYS hungry! I ate dinner last night, was still hungry so ate 4 slices of toast & vegemite – slowly - and was still feeling a little peckish so had a cherry crumble for dessert.. and then had to stop myself from eating more toast… WTF ?????

I have never eaten so much food as I have been in the last couple of days! Luckily I am not putting on any weight from it – in fact I have lost another kg according to the scales (BAH – evil things!) which is a minor miracle considering the amount of money I am throwing Krispy Kreme’s way at the moment but still – I have no idea what the hell is going on.

Moving on …

The creepy guys followed me home again from the bus stop last night. Mentioned it to some of the other girls to see if it was just me and one of them mentioned that her workmate who lives near us was attacked by 7 men the other night who threatened to rape her and spat on her etc… about 20 mins later TH walked in and said some crazy guy had grabbed her face and started yelling all this stuff at her as she was walking from the bus stop. We had a talk about it and TH has mace but its illegal here, one of the housemates had a friend over & she said she carries deep heat spray as it hurts like hell when it gets in your eyes so I think we are all going to think about getting something like that until I can get something stronger.

Its very bizarre – no problems for 8 months and all of a sudden there is weird shit happening everywhere.

Anyway, I’m going to go look at the picture of those shoes… ‘scuse me …

Yeah me !

You Are a Rainbow

Breathtaking and rareYou are totally enchanting and intriguing But you usually don't stick around long! You are best known for: your beauty Your dominant state: seducing

What Type of Weather Are You?

Hang on a second - I'm known for my beauty?? I have a personality damnit!

And I'm hardly an arch-seductress.

Ah well. T'was fun!

Next up -

Your Fashion Style is Girly

You dress to look beautiful and show off what you've gotDresses, skirts, heels... whatever it takes to turn headsYou love feeling like a girl in any settingEven your workout clothes are cute and feminine!

What's" Your Fashion Style?

Can you tell I'm bored?

At least this one was spot on!

Your Are a Blue Rose

You represent the unattainable and fantasies Your vibe: larger than life and intoxicating Falling in love with you is: like seeing a whole new world

What Color Rose Are You?

But I like pink roses ??? Whats going on ??!!!!

And finally, what super hero am I ????

You Are Lara Croft

"Everything lost is meant to be found."

What Superheroine Are You?

Hahahaha - Yeah ME!!!

NEW CRUSH!

I have a new crush - there was another pair of green shoes I was planning to buy this week but i just spotted these & the other ones have been blown out of the water.

I am soooooooooooo in love !





The other ones might have been sexy as hell but these are just so so so pretty !

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ITS SNOWING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So pretty !

You have GOT to be kidding me!

Sweet Mary Mother of God – I just had some weird German guy come and sit with me and ask questions about all this work crap that I have absolutely nothing to do with – I don’t understand the acronyms and abbreviations used in the notes section of what we were looking at and he was getting cranky with me because I couldn’t help him – I wouldn’t actually mind except that he had some SERIOUS body odour and halitosis issues going on….

You know when you smell something and then you just can’t get that smell out of your nose???

That’s what I’ve got the moment – freakin hell that’s some NASTY shit.

I have just frantically marinated myself in Gucci II but I think that the only thing that would possibly effect a full cure is a Krispy Kreme and as luck would have it, there are none left… bastards….

Strengths & Weaknesses of an ENFP

I am :

very expressed extrovert
very expressed intuitive personality
distinctively expressed feeling personality
distinctively expressed perceiving personality

Interestingly enough, ENFP's only make up about 3% of the population. Anyway, here are some strengths & weaknesses... I find it interesting but then I'm biased.. what personality type are you?


General: ENFPs are both "idea"-people and "people"-people, who see everyone and everything as part of an often bizarre cosmic whole. ENFPs have a great deal of zany charm, which can ingratiate them to the more stodgy types in spite of their unconventionality. They are outgoing, fun, and genuinely like people. As SOs/mates they are warm, affectionate (lots of PDA), and disconcertingly spontaneous.

ENFPs have what some call a "silly switch." They can be intellectual, serious, all business for a while, but whenever they get the chance, they flip that switch and become CAPTAIN WILDCHILD, the scourge of the swimming pool, ticklers par excellence. Sometimes they may even appear intoxicated when the "switch" is flipped.


Strengths

As an ENFP, you have gifts that are specific to your personality type that aren't natural strengths for other types. By recognizing your special gifts and encouraging their growth and development, you will more readily see your place in the world, and be more content with your role.

Nearly all ENFPs will recognize the following characteristics in themselves. They should embrace and nourish these strengths:

· They’re exceptionally perceptive about people and situations. They’re often able to quickly and accurately assess where someone is coming from.

· They accept and value people as individuals, and are strongly egalitarian. They believe that individuals have the right to be themselves, and are very tolerant and accepting of most people.

· They’re often deep and intelligent, and may be quite brilliant in their ability to tie things together. They’re wired to look for connections in the external world, and so they may mentally put things together more easily than others.

· Their interest in understanding the world usually makes them in tune with what’s socially acceptable and what isn’t. This may help them to be popular and likeable.

· They’re highly creative. This ability may be used in an artistic way, or may be used to generate ideas and new ways of thinking.

ENFPs who have developed their Introverted Feeling to the extent that they apply judgement to all of their perceptions will enjoy these very special gifts:

· They will have the ability to follow through on projects they’ve begun.

· They will be less gullible and malleable, and generally more able to discern between “good” and “bad”, rather than accepting everything without question.

· They may be highly artistic.

· They will have the ability to focus and concentrate deeply on tasks. This enhanced ability to think and process information internally will make them more capable on many levels.

· They will balance out their desire to meet new people and have new experiences with the desire to put their understanding to use in some way.

· They will find more meaning and purpose in their lives.


Weaknesses

An ENFP may show some or all of the following weaknesses in varying degree:

· May be vulnerable to schemers and con artists.

· May get themselves into dangerous situations because they’re too eager to push the envelope of their understanding, and not willing to apply judgement to anything.

· May feel intense anger towards people who criticize them or try to control them. But will be unable to express the anger. Left unexpressed, the anger may fester and simmer and become destructive.

· May develop strong negative judgements that are difficult to unseed against people who they perceive have been oppressive to them.

· May get involved with drugs, alcohol, or promiscuity, and generally seek mindless experiences and sensations.

· May skip from relationship to relationship without the ability to commit.

· May start projects but be unable to finish them.

· May be unable to stick to a career or job for any length of time.

Cried laughing...

Two weasels are sitting at a bar.

One starts to insult the other one. He screams, "I slept with your mother!"

The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do.

The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!"

The other says, "Go home dad you’re drunk."