Last Night

Amusing calls from last night –

American Girl (to the Kiwi) – So, do you, like, have a pet sheep at home?
South African Girl (interrupting) – What?? That’s like asking me if I have a fucking pet lion!?
(Snorts of laughter from the rest of the table)
Kiwi – Um… hehe… actually I do though…..

Moral of the story – some stereotypes do have a basis in fact.

The French girl & I were talking about the date she went on last week – he hasn’t called and she’s a bit dirty about it as she liked him. I don’t know how to ‘write’ a French accent so you just have to imagine it –

Frenchie – Stupid men!
Me - *pissing myself laughing*
Frenchie – What? What is so funny?
Me – *still laughing* When I say ‘stupid men’ I just sound like a bitch, when you say it, it sounds really fucking cute! Adorable even ! Say it again !!!!!!!!!!!!
Frenchie - (as I go to have a drink of my wine) Stupid men !
Me - *cough* *choke* *splutter* laughing my ass off the whole time

Moral of the story – with a cute accent, you can get away with insulting people and snorting red wine out through your nose hurts and is not very lady like.

Talking about our new housemate who is, it must be said, quite unfortunate looking and a VERY big girl, I don’t have a problem with that, the problem is that she’s also a complete fucking pig and has no concept of hygiene or any consideration for other people. She also needs to learn to empty the fucking litter tray that her stinky, un-brushed cat uses, more often. (It is a lovely cat though)

Me – It’s not that she really does anything apart from that – its more the fact that she’s THERE – you know – that she’s BREATHING
LH – Really? Its her size that annoys the shit out of me – lose some fucking weight already bitch.

Dead silence, jaws dropping. I actually paused with my wine glass halfway to my mouth.

LH – What????? When she’s in the kitchen, you can’t DO anything – she’s in the way and you cant get into cupboards or anything and we’ve got a really big kitchen!

Still all silent (in shock actually)

Me – Umm, darl – I am the only one that is supposed to make bitchy comments around here – coming from anyone, that’s fucking harsh, coming you... holy shit, I think I’d just throw myself off a bridge and be done with it!

Moral of the story – never trust the Greeks !!!!


So the girls night out was a raging success, we had an absolute ball, drank a fair bit of wine, ate a lot of great food (I had steak …mmmmm…. MEAT! God I love steak, I could never go on a rabbit food diet).

In other news –

The DIY ban is not going so good – I’ve stuck to it, but just how long does it take to starve your sex drive into submission ??? Because it’s killing me.

I also had time before dinner to stop in at Selfridges and while I was wandering around the chocolate section (mmmmmm) I discovered something very exciting – who knew that Lindt made dark chocolate in a 99% version??? 70% yes, 85% yes, but I didn’t know about that 99% shit – I got me some of that quick smart – will try it tonight and let you know how that goes….

I also had a giggle at some of the Edward Monkton cards they had there – I LOVE Edward Monkton cards – they are just too damn funny & I actually bought the book he wrote called ‘The Pig of Happiness’ If you see one, get it – it’s a crack up. He also wrote one about a lady who loved shoes – if I can track that baby down you better believe I’ll be getting it too.

Anyway, the ones that made me giggle last night were –

(Above a picture of a chicken) “We can all fly as high as the dreams we dare to live…. Unless we are a chicken”

Hehe – I know exactly how high a chicken can fly – and its not very high at all. It works on so many levels….

And “Live your dreams – except that one about being eaten by a big spider.”

Cracks me up.

It’s the little things in life….