The best laid plans of mice and men....

Gang aft agley

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

The Open Toed Shoe Pledge


Hands on your hearts for this one please ladies....

(Remember, if you don't take this pledge, the above picture could one day resemble you!!!)
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The Open Toed Shoe Pledge
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As a member of the Cute Shoes Sisterhood, I pledge to follow the Rules when wearing sandals and other open-toe shoes:

I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.

I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.

I will pluck any hairs off my big toe.

I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother or sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.

I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him.

I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.

I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes are as long as my fingers and no sandal makes creepy feet look good.

I will promise if I wear flip flops that I will ensure that they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.

I will promise to go my local nail salon at least once per season and have a real pedicure.

I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear... nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals.
Please don't keep this to yourself - pass it on to other sisters.

4 Comments:

  • At 1:52 PM, May 31, 2006, Blogger Indiana said…

    You have to pluck the hair from your big toe...FUCK!!!

    I now have a new found respect and love for all women ~grin~

    And give thanks for the fact that I was born a man.

     
  • At 3:34 PM, May 31, 2006, Blogger Giggleworthy said…

    Baby, you don't know the half of it!

     
  • At 3:17 AM, June 01, 2006, Blogger Steph said…

    Ohmyfuckingod and holysnappingduckshit!

    If my feet ever get like that, i will chop the fuckers OFF!!

     
  • At 10:17 AM, June 01, 2006, Blogger Giggleworthy said…

    Steph, I can't imagine you ever allowing your feet to get like that - and now that you have taken the pledge, they can't!

    I agree though - better no feet at all then feet that look like that...

     

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