If you ever...

Want to see just how intelligent you need to be to make it as a checkout chick and just how many people who work in your part of town could do the job, change the local Tesco's so they only have a few normal registers and a whole lot of those automatic self-checkout thingies and then sit back and watch how many people can't do it…

I blame the morons for breeding.

xoxox

Want to see just how much chaos you can cause on a busy London road, allow a very large box full of nails to fall off the back of your truck and burst open all over the road.

There's hours of entertainment right there.

xoxox

Want to know how much I have adapted to London weather - this morning the radio announced that it was currently 14 degrees - I immediately thought 'Yeah! I can wear a lightweight skirt and a short sleeve top today with no stockings!'

A year ago I would have been saying '14 degrees???? There's no fucking way I'm getting out of bed until its at least 20!!!!'

See how much I've adapted?

xoxox

Want to torment me - talk to me about sex. Or allude to sex. Or insinuate something about sex.

Talk to me about nuclearfuckingphysics or something - I'll still turn it into something about sex.

I used to have a 3 track mind, but 2 tracks are closed due to low usage at the moment. *Sigh*

xoxox

Want to piss me off - don't look after your pets properly - the girl who owns the cat in our house is coming very close to getting a serve from me. The cat was driving us nuts last night so I walked up to her room and looked through the door - there was no food, no water and the litter tray was full.

She's been away for 3 days - god knows how long its been since the cat was fed so I cooked some chicken breast fillets up for it and gave it some water. If this was the first time it had happened, I handle it but it happens ALL. THE FUCKING. TIME.

Why have a pet if you aren't going to look after it???

That seriously pisses me off.

xoxox

I love squirrels.

They are the best reason to live in the UK.

So cute.

Want to win my heart - get me a squirrel.

It’s a little more original then just taking me out and getting me pissed.

xoxox

Want to see me do a happy dance - take me to a park in springtime so I can wander amongst drifts of daffodils and tulips then meander along gravel paths shaded by trees softening with silvery green leaves and dripping with flowers that I don't know the names for.

I'm so in love with life right now.

xoxox

That will be all for now.