Conversations...

Right, feeling much better today. Thanks Steph & Dollop for the warm fuzzies. Hugs to you guys

Went out to dinner last night with Kman (so called because I already have about 3 'K's' I write about but this is the only male one so that should make it easier to keep them all separate)
He had picked up on how down I was at the moment so he insisted we go out and catch up - I got lots of hugs & snuggles and kisses on the cheek and hair stroking - much affection in general hence the feeling of well being today.

I only had one glass of wine with dinner which he was very disappointed about - something about hoping to get me drunk enough that he'd convince me to sleep with him seeing as I'm practically twitching with frustration these days. Git. (He was actually kidding btw).

We also started talking about how many people we've slept with ( I couldn't work out where he'd found the time but then he pointed out he's had a lot of affairs with co-workers… explains a lot) and having that conversation with partners (Dollop spoke about this in his blog and it stayed with me). Kman said he always felt weird about this one too and his response was pretty much a carbon copy of Dollops - personally, I find it interesting but it doesn't really bother me. Just about everyone I have ever spoken to has slept with more people then me (I'm picky, we've already covered that off in a previous post) So when my partner has had more partners then me it seems quite normal.. In fact I don't think any of the guys i've been with have ever slept with less then 50 and I strongly suspect that they were rounding down... a lot... Anyway, in many cases its excellent because odds are on, I'm going to benefit from that and they can teach me a few things.. Always happy to learn… That’s half the fun. It was an interesting conversation.

While we were out I also got a call from the Pony and its from about here that my rant is going to start - this is something that I feel quite strongly about because I am always sitting and watching my girlfriends get tied up in knots over things like this... avert your eyes if you wish…

WHY do men wait 3 - 4 days before calling??? And WHY would you call someone up on a Thursday night and ask them if they want to go out to dinner on the Fri night, giving less then 24 hours notice??? WHY WHY WHY? Even if he hadn't exceeded his time limit* I still would have said no just on principal!

(* Time limit - you get 24 hours to call me (unless you gave a specific day / time) - past that point, don't bother. I will extend that time limit to 48 hours though, if you were in a serious accident that left you in a coma. )

If you want to call me, call me, I will be far more flattered that you called me the next day then that you waited for 4 days to pick up the phone, after all, it's not like its hard. Waiting until Thursday when I met you on the Sunday says to me either a) you didn't feel like calling but suddenly realised you had nothing better on offer so thought I'd do or b) you wanted to call but were too scared to do so or c) you wanted to play it cool thinking that would make me more interested in you …. See, read back over that list again… are any of those sexy to you ??? NO ??? What a surprise, cause sure as hell none of those options are sexy to me…

I mean seriously, if its not on, don't call - I promise not to let it worry me and if its on, its on - don't waste your time and mine by trying to play cool. I have neither the time nor the inclination to waste on bullshit schoolyard tactics and I have no interest in playing games - they bore me and if a man likes to play games then before long he'll bore me too (well, naturally it depends on just where those games are being played, but that’s 'games' in a whole other context - we wont get started on that now) There are too many other, more valuable and far more interesting things I could be doing with that time.

Now, I admit to a bit of a double standard here - I would NEVER pick up the phone and ask a man out on a 'date' (assuming of course that we are talking a 'date' as opposed to just catching up etc), I am quite old fashioned in that regard but once we've been on a 'date' and assuming all went well and assuming that it’s a happening thing and we both know it, then I have no trouble taking the initiative and picking up the phone and calling. If its on, all bets are off.

Prior to that though, don't play it cool with me - it just annoys me and I write you off as a pratt and have no further time for you. I am very straightforward, I don't fuck around, I don't play mind games and I don't have time for people who get off on that shit.

I only make 3 rules in a relationship - don't lie to me, don't cheat on me and if you say you are going to do something then do it. My friends have to follow the same 3 rules (except rule 2 is worded as 'don't betray my trust' - same thing really) and you wouldn't think it would be hard and I don't think that they are unreasonable… Want to go out with the boys and visit strip clubs? Fine, just don't call me to bail you out of jail between 4 - 5 am, call before then or after but please not during as that’s REM sleep time for me . Want to go do something by yourself? Not a problem, I have something more interesting to do then sit around the house waiting for you to call so take as long as you like. Say you're going to call me on Wednesday at 6pm… you've got until Wednesday at 7 to call… I'll cut you some slack if you were busy at work and only just got home or couldn't take a break then though….

Honesty & trust are very important to me - trust is actually more important to me then love, no matter how much I love a man, if I can't trust him, I will walk - BM learnt that lesson, he was stupid enough to think that because I loved him it gave him free reign. More fool him. Just because I don't keep a man on a leash and because I fight against being placed on one myself doesn't mean I don't care.

I do not lie (except perhaps on how much those shoes really cost) and without being brutal, I will not pretend to be feeling something I am not and I expect the same level of honesty in return. If I can't trust a man on the little things, there is no way I will ever trust him about the big things which means again, no point in wasting our time.

I don't know how to be with someone and not get emotionally involved - I have an emotional stake in almost everyone I meet and at times that can be very uncomfortable. Loving people gives them a tremendous amount of power over you and I don't like placing myself in a position where I am emotionally vulnerable to someone who I can't trust - once it's been proved I can't trust them, I will simply cut them out of my life. The fact that I have a wide circle of friends reminds me that there are actually very few people who I have needed to do that to, but I will if I have to.

My friends have varying opinions on my attitude to this - some of them think it's very harsh, some of them can never stop laughing enough to tell me what they think and some of them think its great. According to Kman, it is a good thing but at the same time, it can be very intimidating. I suppose that yes, it might be if you aren't very confident but insecure men don't really appeal to me anyway - which isn't to say that my partners are never allowed a moment of self doubt or anything like that - I am far more supportive and tolerant of things in other people then I am with myself but its not as if I am asking anything of the people around me that I don't demand of myself.

At the end of the day all I am really asking for is honesty, respect and for a little bit of an effort and is that really so much to ask and why is that intimidating???