Sorry.

It was time for a change.

As you do.

Something to ponder

Before I came home, I was uncertain – very, very uncertain, if I was doing the right thing. I wasn’t sure that I was ready to come home – there were reasons to stay (in London) and reasons to go however the reasons to go seemed to be more pressing then the reasons to stay, so I came home. I was wrong.

I mentioned earlier that on Friday last week, I nearly booked a flight back to London. I sat down and worked out how long I could live over there until I started working, I even spoke to the agency to be sure I could get work over there again with no troubles. I mentioned it to my parents on the weekend and they said that if that’s what I needed to do then they would support me, even though they don’t really want me to go back. I wondered if I was just running away so I even took a piece of paper and divided it into 4 and wrote down the pro’s and con’s for both staying here in Australia and going back to London…

I’m still not entirely sure why I’m not currently working out my notice here and packing my life up again in order to return. I’m still not entirely sure why I didn’t book the flight. Yes, right as I was calculating all of those things I got a call from the real estate to confirm the date that we could move into the unit, but it’s not just that that is holding me back. I really wish I knew what it was. Somehow, even though things are a little crap right at the moment, I think this is where I am supposed to be right now. Hopefully, this time I’m right.

I miss my friends.
I miss my lifestyle.
I miss the feeling of freedom that I had over there that I simply do not have here.

I am happy to see my friends.
I am happy to see my family.
I enjoy my lifestyle and will even more once I finally get out of home.

My consolation is that I may have made the decision to come home for the wrong reasons, but I did learn from it.

Goodness Me

Can you believe I've been home for 3 months already?????

Where does the time go?

Behind. Or in front. It depends which way you're looking.

Right now, I'm looking behind.

My.

Isn't hindsight beautiful?

It's a sign!

Conversation at work -

Me: I’m a little bit confused.
Male Workmate: Does it involve a man?
Me: How did you know?
MW: *Shrug* We’re confusing.
Me: Why is that?
MW: (Very matter of fact) Because we’re stupid.
Me: ….. You leave me no room to manoeuvre here…..
MW: Nope. It’s pretty simple really.

(Yes, actually, he is married)


Talking to C -

Me: I went shopping on the weekend.
C: Oh dear god – were you good??!!
Me: Erm… sort of …
C: (suspiciously) How can you be ‘sort of’ good?
Me: Well, it could have been worse!
C: Well darling, so could World War 2 – that doesn’t then follow that it was ‘good’!
Me: … I need a new best friend… one who’s not such a smart ass…
C: (musingly) Well, they say that opposites attract….
Me: The defence rests….


I also had another conversation at work with one of the biggest freaks I know, I tried to type it out here but every time I do, I start gagging again. Maybe another time.



On Friday afternoon, I nearly booked a flight back to the UK. I was actually on Last Minute and had selected a flight, I had even calculated how long I could afford to live over there before I had to start working again etc when my phone rang – it was the real estate agent calling to say that he finally had a firm date for us to move into the unit.

Even I know a sign when I see one.

Falling off the wagon again.

Friday night I bought something that doesn’t fall into the ‘need’ category, but rather the ‘want’ category. However, it does fall into the more important ‘want’ category – ie. ‘desperately want’ as opposed to just plain old ‘want’.

I bought a pink and white teapot.

And the matching milk jug and sugar bowl.

They are very pretty. (I’m such a girl).

On Sunday (I’m getting ahead of myself here) I went back and bought the exact same thing in the green and pink – it’s all about sets. I love sets. Sets are very important. So important that I think I shall stop by the shops and buy the matching cake plates and servers.

And trays.

And tea bag holder thingys.

It’s the little things in life.

From there on in, Friday became a little more interesting. I got a text message. Now considering my recent purge of numbers, I’m pretty lucky that this is the first time I’ve gotten one from a number I didn’t recognise (which also proves my point on why I should have purged those numbers – it’s been 3 weeks and they are just contacting me now???!! Slack bastards!)

Anyway, I’m standing there looking at a text that says ‘Sorry I have been so slack, we will have to catch up soon. Been thinking of you. Xo’ I looked at the number and thought ‘who the f**k is that?’. So I sent back ‘Ok?? Now who the hell is this as your number isn’t in my phone’

As I wait for the response, I’m trying to work out who it could be. Just as I work it out, I get the response ‘I’ll give you a clue – I live on the coast and I’m slack at keeping in touch’ Luckily, I’d already worked it out as that would’ve only narrowed it down to 3. I sent back ‘Oh. Hi Lying ex. I didn’t recognise your number as I deleted it months ago.’

He called me. What fun. We talked for about 10 mins (the shortest conversation I have ever had on the phone, normally I talk for hours). He asked me out to dinner. I didn't believe him.

Saturday morning I went shopping for B’s engagement present and then round to F’s house as I am house/cat-sitting (they have 2 cats) while he and his gf are away. Played with the cats, got ready and was waiting for C to pick me up on her way through when my phone rang – it was C.

C is about 11 weeks pregnant and this time round, she is having a little trouble. She has had a couple of ‘shows’ and the doctor told her that she has to take it easy, but on Saturday, she started bleeding quite heavily. She insisted I still go to the party and she promised to call if anything went wrong, but in the end, thankfully, she was ok. The bleeding wasn’t coming from the baby but from her cervix. (My apologies to anyone for whom this is too much info).

The engagement party was good. There were a lot of people there that I don’t know (which I hate) and of the people there that I did know, most of them I don’t like anyway. It was however, a brilliant chance to people watch and I picked up tremendous amounts of gossip. When I was filling her in on all of it the next day, B complained that if it wasn’t for me, she would have missed out on all the good stuff.

Call of the night came from B’s 14 (!) year old cousin. She was sitting with 4 of us (all a lot older than her) and we were talking about kids – one of the girls has a 2 y.o., one is ready to drop, A has a 5 y.o. & I of course have none. Cousin comes out with ‘I can’t wait till I’m 18 so I can have a baby’.

We all stop dead and look at her. ‘Are you serious?’ I asked. She assured me she was. I asked her why she wanted to have a child so early, not because I am against it as such, but I was curious to hear why she wanted one so young. Her response was ‘Because I just dropped out of school and there’s nothing else to do’

Brilliant.

Just. Fucking. Brilliant.

I remembered not to tell her she was a stupid, spoiled, selfish child who needed a good swift kick up the ass before being packed off to boarding school (which, the more I spoke to her that night, the more I realised it would do her a world of good). Instead I sat there and discussed it with her logically. A was able to back me up on quite a few points as she is a single mother (Cousin announced that she would also be a single mother, you see) so she was able to discuss it from a position of experience.

I’m not entirely sure that the 4 of us actually managed to convince her, but at least she was looking rather thoughtful when we all sort of drifted off. She accused me at first of being against the idea as I (clearly) ‘don’t want kids’. I assured her that she was totally wrong – I do want them, but I’m not stupid enough or selfish enough to have a child just because I can.

Stupid girl.

Honestly, is this what it’s coming to? Seriously disturbing.

Sunday I had breakfast with A then we went round to watch B & 3G open their engagement presents. After that Belle and I went shopping. I bought a new spread for my bed – it’s white on white and it is beautiful. I found it in an interiors store in the valley about 2 months ago and have been thinking about it ever since so I am rather chuffed, just quietly. It was worth every penny. I seem to have a thing for white at the moment. The bed that I was looking at on Sunday is white too.

Oh, I forgot – I was woken on Sunday morning at 6.45am by a text message from Lying ex (stupid bastard – he KNOWS I’m not a morning person) asking me out to dinner next Saturday night.

“Really strange thing happened last night – I dreamt I was in a nice little restaurant with you. Would love to make this happen next Saturday? Think I am beginning to understand how I need to appreciate you more. What I am saying is that I love your company. It would be great to have one of our conversations face to face. Somehow that sounds like I missed you”

I was so pissed off when I read it (he woke me up for that? He knew I had a party the night before! And - ‘beginning’ to understand?? You ‘love’ my company? Too bad you didn’t realise that when you had your chance 2 years ago, buddy) that I still haven’t bothered to respond.

Do you think a simple ‘No’ would convey -
a) I can’t believe you woke me up at 6.45am to ask me out to dinner
b) I can’t believe you asked me out to dinner by fucking text. Even A, B & C wouldn’t do that! And they’re female friends!
c) I can’t believe you woke me up at 6.45am (on a Sunday!) to ask me out to dinner
d) You and your continual dramas bore me.
e) I STILL can’t believe you woke me up at 6.45am (on a fucking SUNDAY!!) to ask me out to dinner!
f) If you were the last man on earth, you still wouldn’t be getting in my pants again.

And before you think I’m getting ahead of myself with that last one, I know him. You don’t. Enough said.

Will ‘No’ get all that across, do you think?

Well I’ll be hornswoggled!

Can you believe it’s been a year? Happy blogversary to me.

For someone with nothing important to say, I sure managed to type a lot of crap over the last 365, didn’t I?

Add in the fact that I have a really short attention span and have never managed to keep a diary for more than a month before and it’s a downright miracle! (What a waste of a miracle)….

If you’ll excuse me, I’m pretty sure this calls for cake.

Today.

Things that I wish I could say today –


‘Sorry’ doesn’t do shit for me, ‘sorry’ is to make you feel better.

You, are a fucking moron.

You are enough to make me become a lesbian…. And no, you can’t watch.

Sorry, but I really don’t feel like being at work today, so I’ll be off home now.

I don’t get paid enough to put up with your crap.

You’ve clearly mistaken me for someone who gives a shit.

You’ve just started working here?? Welcome to the salt mines, honey.

Yes, I do know I’m being unreasonable and I really don’t care.

Well would you look at that – a walking corpse!

When are you coming to visit me?

I need a hug

I miss you.


What I actually said instead –


No, no, honestly, it’s ok - apology accepted.

Ok, I don’t think I’ve explained that very clearly…

You’re single, aren’t you?

HI! How are you today? Are we busy this morning?

No, that's fine – I’d feel exactly the same if it was me!

Oh dear - that's pretty terrible!

Hi, welcome to the team! How are you settling in?

Oh, really? I'm sorry!

Awww… look at you, you poor thing, are you feeling ok?

(nothing)

(nothing)

(nothing)


*sigh*

Where's the bucket?

Truly, one of the most gruesome examples of Australian ‘manhood’ I have had the misfortune to stumble across in a while.

Misc.

What the fuck do I buy B for an engagement present?

B’s engagement party is this weekend which is very exciting.

Not altogether happy with the guest list though as Ass is going to be there. Ass gets a little too affectionate when he’s drunk. So affectionate that I once had to claw my way across the carpet and hide under the couch to get away from him as he tried to grope me after tackling me to the ground.

Deeply disturbing.

I think I’ll spend the night no more then 2 paces from C’s side. C was once married to Ass’ best friend and he has been rather uncomfortable around her ever since he shagged some skank in the spare room (after she specifically told him not to) and C walked in on them. Even better, C had to remove the cum soaked sheets from the bed after he finished. *shudder* So as long as I stay close to her, I should be right.

Failing that I'm sure I can get my hands on some mace between now and then.

xoxox

My latest food addiction is sliced tomato, sliced buffalo mozzarella & fresh basil drizzled with olive oil.

I had it for dinner on Sat night, lunch on Sunday, lunch on Monday and guess what I am having for lunch today??

I just can’t get enough of it.

Probably a much better addiction then Krispy Kreme’s though.

xoxox

I recently read ‘Priestess of the White’ by Trudi Canavan and it was really quite good.

I am looking forward to getting back to the bookshop to pick up the second in the series.

If you like your books filled with a bit of sex, a bit of war and a lot of magic, give it a whirl.

xoxox

Ooo – if you haven’t read ‘Kushiel’s Dart’ then you really need to get your hands on that one too.

Drenched in sex, violence and politics.

xoxox

I have come up with an extra $500 in my budget that I can do whatever I want with but I am having trouble thinking of what to do.

Do I –

A) Buy the Scanpan kitchenware that I want.
B) Take another $100 out of my clothes shopping budget and buy the bedspread that I want.
C) Pay it off my credit cards.

Now I know this should be a no brainer, but I am really sick of looking at something that I really want and then not buying it because I ‘have to be good’.

Fuck being good. I’m over it. For at least a little while.

xoxox

Nice Ex is taking a week off – purely for the new WOW expansion…

I like WOW, but that’s a bit extreme to me.

I do not have to think very hard to understand why that boy is still single (and likely to remain that way)….

Actually, I have to admit that I am a teensy bit jealous.

Xoxox